Being Free from Fear

There are so many types of fear. I'm an anxious, scaredy-cat type of person. I didn't ride a roller coaster until I was 18. When I was 15 or so, I freaked out about taking a family business trip to Hawaii because that would include taking an airplane ride. (And guess what - we didn't go)

At times, fear paralyzes me. 

While preparing for my recent vacation/visit/trip to Ghana, the looming fear of the dreaded Ebola virus consumed much of my thoughts and produced worry. I wrote an "announcement" on Facebook assuring friends and family that I

was aware of the situation and that I could feel God's push to go. I knew it was important for me to go and that it was God's will, but that didn't mean that the fear just vanished. Every news article, comment, or question sparked more fear inside my soul. One evening near the time I would leave, I remember going home to an empty house and pulling out my sheet music and having a praise session on my way too out of tune piano. We had recently sang a chorus at church that kept popping into my mind. "Father we love You, we worship and adore You, glorify Thy name in all the earth...". The more I sang, the more I came to the realization that fear was choking out the real reason I felt led to go in the first place. Did I love God? Yes. Did I want to listen to His command to go? Yes. Was His name important enough to be glorified in a region that was super susceptible to Ebola, cholera, dysentery, malaria, or other dreaded diseases? YES! That was the turning point for me. Tears flowed and I remember sitting down to write a letter to loved ones in case something happened to me - then closed my computer and sat in a warmth of peace and reassurance. 

Several evenings I would just sit and listen to one of my favorite artists, Matt Papa, sing about missions and healing and what God does when we obey. There's a specific song called Heal Me that you have to download - but in case you don't - here are the lyrics: 

 Heal me Jesus, Heal me

My heart is dire, I'm so tired
Touch me, make me new again
Heal me Jesus, Heal me

Hold me Father, Hold me
My hands are shaking, I am breaking 
Hold me close now to Your chest 
Hold me Father, Hold me

Save me Savior, Save me
This sin's so heavy that I carry
Change me, wrap me with Your grace
Save me Savior, Save me

Fill me Spirit, fill me
I need Your power, fall like a shower 
Teach me, help me to do Your will 
Fill me Spirit, fill me

Use me, Lord please use me
I know I'm frail O but I am here Lord 
Use me, Lord please use me
For Your Kingdom and Your Glory 
I am weak but You are holy
So use me, Lord please use me 

This song ministers to my soul in so many ways. 

I don't know how else to explain it, but this trip was a different type of trip. Maybe God was personally dealing with me on releasing fear. Through boarding, flight, and landing there was just a looming sense of worry - even though I had peace. Moses and my Daddy met me at the airport and boy was I ready to be on the ground and to be able to stretch out horizontally in a vehicle and sleep! 

Apparently I had not worried enough. It was time for more. It took about 30 minutes into our 4 hour trip for me to realize that the van we were riding in was having major problems. So, for the next 3 hours we would stop and tighten something under the hood, rev the engine, and drive for 10 miles before doing it again - at least 20 times more. During the day this wouldn't have been a big deal. We would have just sat at the "fitter's" (repair shop) and waited forever for them to repair it and get back on the road. But it was evening. Around midnight. And the looming story of one of our ministry workers getting into trouble with robbers on the roadside a few weeks ago was VERY fresh on my mind. How would we handle the van breaking down in this area? Selfishly I was concerned at what someone could steal from our vehicle if approached. A month's worth of ministry expense cash, iThings, and a computer to name a few. So I sang and cried and prayed and sang Ghana songs, prayed more, begged God a little, and could not figure out why this van was not working properly. Didn't God know we were about to come upon the exact place where the robbery had occurred? Couldn't we just spend the night somewhere and pass through that place in the daylight? So after 20 breakdowns there wasn't much else I could do. We still had to get to Fosu (15 minutes away) and then head to Kotokata (45 more minutes). Then something happened. Pretty miraculous even. The van started going. And it DID NOT STOP until we pulled up into the village of Kotokata that I called my other home. 

The next morning we hardly made it back to the repair shop and sat and worked on a severe problem for at least 150 hours it felt like. How did that van make it back in the middle of the night - through the "scary  place"? 

Well, that was just God trying to prove to me that He really does have all areas of my life under control.